I want to go back

God,
What the fuck.
How could you?
Don’t give me this shit about randomness
or the fallenness of humankind
or how you needed another angel.

He wasn’t a random baby.
He was my baby.
He wasn’t fallen.
He was perfect.
I don’t give a shit about your angels.
He was mine.

Don’t tell me how it will fade
and don’t tell me how much you love me.
The pain lingers, screaming in my mind,
and your love – whatever that means – cannot silence it.

It’s not okay.
I don’t forgive you.
You don’t seem real to me
and we may never speak again.

Tell me it was a dream.
Take me back to yesterday.
Start over.
I want to go back.

By Catherine

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